Letter from Scott to Family 1977
The following is an 11-page letter that Dad wrote to Mom and his children a few weeks before he turned 50. It was the end of
the third year the family had lived in Tuba City, Arizona. The family had spent part of the summer at the house in Indian Hills in
Provo (David, Susan, Kathy, Carol, my kids and I were all living in the house at the time). Dad had to return to Tuba City early
because of his job as counselor at the BIA (Bureau of Indian Affairs) high school. The letter has been transcribed here, just as he
wrote it, including the Post Script at the beginning of the letter. It was written in black pen on legal-sized white paper, and
numbered at the top.
Lana O
P.S. If you think I’m going to proofread all of this, you’re crazy. You will just have to muddle through it.
8 - 5 - 77
Dear Family,
There is a short lull this morning so I thought I would drop you a note.
I really appreciated the “care” package the girls put together for me. Glad to know they really do “care!”
You know me, I naturally had a choked-up, sentimental feeling as I headed for Tuba. That’s when the idea for this letter took
root.
In many ways our summer was a little hectic—disorganized may be a better word.
I’m sorry I don’t take the lead more in getting the family together to discuss some things.
One of the reasons is that I need peace & quiet to discuss things and with the kids causing some confusion, it was difficult for
me. I guess I still have too much of an attitude of ---- “what the heck, things will work out.” Anyway, I hope this will reach you
for family nite. This will be my family nite message to you all.
Before I get into some of the things I thought of sharing, I want to bring you up to date re. things here.
The lawns were in good shape for the most part but the garden was a little over soaked. Moss growing in the furrows suggests
over watering. At any rate I have enjoyed eating out of the garden. But how do you cook zukini for one?! I need the micro-wave!
I expect to bottle some more beans in a day or so.
Today is Friday & I may go to Flag & order the material for the chair covers. Then tomorrow I may go to Lee’s Ferry & Page (Lake
Powell etc.) Maybe check out a few more houseboats etc.
I haven’t seen anyone yet. But will Sunday during church meetings.
I talked to Celeste on the phone & she said she hoped I was planning on being with the N. B. program next year. I forgot to ask
her about the workshop at Snowbird she talked to us about.
As soon as I can I want to talk to her & Gary Tom about my recruiting idea. I’ve given up wanting to talk to Dale Tingey & B.Y.U.
Indian Ed. Program about it since D. A. is involved with Indian Ed. program now.
[In the margin, Dad wrote] Before I forget it, I dropped by Elaines. She will be in Provo the weekend of the 13 to attend a
wedding. She & kids will bring sleeping bags to sleep on back lawn. On 20th she & Clairs family will have a get together in
Gunnison. Beth & part of her family will be in Tuba on Labor Day weekend.
Now to other more important things ---- . I hope all of you are enjoying the house & yard. And above all I hope you are learning
to work & cooperate with each other. Naturally I have a lot of love for the house in spite of the run down condition. When I don’t
have kids yelling in my ears, riding trikes through the house, and having dogs “tinkle” on the floor etc, and can get some
distance away, I recall many happy memories at the house. And during other saner moments I realize I have much to be thankful
for.
I’m sorry that everything is such a crisis for me. I want everything including myself to be perfect. And again during my saner
moments I know it can’t be --- & doesn’t even have to be --- yet. But somehow I have a hard time accepting that.
The other day David said something to the effect that we as parents weren’t demanding enough of the kids. I’ve thought a lot
about what he said and as I analyse it, I see that at times we took over & did too much --- not allowing the kids the opportunity
to grow by their own investigation & mistakes. And at times perhaps not involved enough. Maybe not giving enough guidance.
Last Sunday as I heard & watched the Esplins sing, I was struck with the notion of a family in perfect harmony. They were all so
beautiful & it all looked so perfect. But then again as I look at each one of our children & think of their beauty & strengths I
know we don’t have to be another Esplin family --- or any other family, for that matter. In spite of my failings as a parent & a
Saint, I am very proud of all of our children. You have the right to bless us or curse us for whatever you are. But don’t let that be
a cop-out to prevent you from being all you want to be.
The first 20+ years of my life, very few of my important needs were met. And as a consequence my capacity to give of myself is
limited. I don’t give this as an excuse – just an explanation.
Somewhere I heard or read that someone said “None of us loves as well as we should, but we love as well as we are able.” I can’t
totally buy that because it suggests that we can’t change. I hope we can.
I’m reminded of when we used to go around the table telling each person what we liked about them. Let me start.
Dawn --- mother – sweetheart.
On our very 1st date I knew you were someone special. Even then you were sweet, gentle, unpretentious & beautiful. And now
you are not older --- just better --- in every respect.
Lana --- I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you. It’s just my need for perfection. Little imperfections in you only magnify my own. You
are a person of great quality & the best is yet to come. I sincerely hope that things work out for you & Greg. He brings out the
best in you. And as he meets your needs it will free you to do all that is necessary for those beautiful & special sons. Lana, your
biggest fault (if it is a fault) is that you are too giving & trusting. And how can I really get angry at that?
Lynne (by phone or in person)
I appreciate how you are so totally dedicated to being a companion & help meet for your husband --- and a great mother to your
children. I appreciate the fact that you are branching out to make more friends.
Kim --- a real man’s man. You will never starve. Your spiritual strength & ability to work & produce will always pull you through.
I’m sure you will continue to be a good influence on young men.
Greg --- I hope I’m not being presumptuous in numbering you with the family --- at least for today. I don’t know you well yet ---
but what I see I like. I appreciate what you have brought into our lives. I appreciate your strength, honesty, gentleness, & sweet
spirit. God bless you in your search for the truth.
David --- Gentle, sensitive, aware. I appreciated so much your attitude & manner as we were loading your car rack for your trip.
Do you recall what you kept saying --- “That’s a good idea.” “Oh, that’s neat, that’s fine” etc. --- so teachable, so pleasant.
Don’t worry about school next year. Just keep growing & living & things will work out.
Susan --- Don’t be too disappointed in me. It makes me feel guilty. I love you for your faith & desire to do the right thing. I know
things will work out for you. I appreciated the fact that you were willing to pay whatever price to get your schooling & I know
you will get the important things you want & need in life.
Kathy --- You are more beautiful than before! I appreciate so much the great growth in attitude over the past year or so. Your
spunk is turning more & more into mature strength. Believe it when the world says, I love you.
Carol --- In spite of your great appatite (sp) you probably will not starve either. You will either marry money or make it yourself,
even if you have to work 18 hours a day. I appreciate the fact that you’ve not complained the past 3 years (in fact 4 --- or more).
You’ve been a great sport about everything & I know you’ve grown for it. Look out world, here she comes!
Jimmy – What can I say? Please forgive me for not allowing you to be imperfect. Again your very very few imperfections only
magnify mine. When I don’t take time to communicate better I only show my frustration. And when you sometimes don’t
understand --- have you forgotten that I spent 2 years in the 1st grade because sometimes I didn’t understand. Jim, I love you for
your faith & devotion and also your sweet gentle spirit. Believe it or not I was a lot like you in my younger days --- only I wasn’t
nearly as well self disciplined or ambitious as you are. You don’t have to change --- keep up the good work.
Diane. Thanks for your sweet smile in response to my dumb jokes. I guarantee that if you keep going as you are you will never
have an enemy in the world. Also thanks for all your help with the kids without complaining.
Kristy --- Stop reading that book & pay attention. Remember how difficult it was to work the Hula hoop the 1st day? --- Look at
you now. It just goes to show that impossible things are not really impossible. Fourth grade will be a breeze. Thanks for being so
sweet & kind. I know you will always be appreciated for your sweet sensitive caring for others.
Sandy --- Sweet, loveable, active Sandy --- I love you because you always care if other people are happy & have what they need.
Please don’t suffer too much when others who care less than you show their bad manners. Everyone will love you in the long run.
Steven --- Just ruffle up his hair for me and tell him I can hardly wait untill we can go riding over bridges, & past horses & cows
to Tuba City.
I love you all & miss you greatly. If you don’t come home soon, I will have to take your pictures off the wall. I get choked up
when I sit around in the empty house just looking at your pictures on the wall. Sincerely hope you will enjoy the rest of the
summer & the years to come.
(Love Daddy)
The following is an 11-page letter that Dad wrote to Mom and his children a few weeks before he turned 50. It was the end of
the third year the family had lived in Tuba City, Arizona. The family had spent part of the summer at the house in Indian Hills in
Provo (David, Susan, Kathy, Carol, my kids and I were all living in the house at the time). Dad had to return to Tuba City early
because of his job as counselor at the BIA (Bureau of Indian Affairs) high school. The letter has been transcribed here, just as he
wrote it, including the Post Script at the beginning of the letter. It was written in black pen on legal-sized white paper, and
numbered at the top.
Lana O
P.S. If you think I’m going to proofread all of this, you’re crazy. You will just have to muddle through it.
8 - 5 - 77
Dear Family,
There is a short lull this morning so I thought I would drop you a note.
I really appreciated the “care” package the girls put together for me. Glad to know they really do “care!”
You know me, I naturally had a choked-up, sentimental feeling as I headed for Tuba. That’s when the idea for this letter took
root.
In many ways our summer was a little hectic—disorganized may be a better word.
I’m sorry I don’t take the lead more in getting the family together to discuss some things.
One of the reasons is that I need peace & quiet to discuss things and with the kids causing some confusion, it was difficult for
me. I guess I still have too much of an attitude of ---- “what the heck, things will work out.” Anyway, I hope this will reach you
for family nite. This will be my family nite message to you all.
Before I get into some of the things I thought of sharing, I want to bring you up to date re. things here.
The lawns were in good shape for the most part but the garden was a little over soaked. Moss growing in the furrows suggests
over watering. At any rate I have enjoyed eating out of the garden. But how do you cook zukini for one?! I need the micro-wave!
I expect to bottle some more beans in a day or so.
Today is Friday & I may go to Flag & order the material for the chair covers. Then tomorrow I may go to Lee’s Ferry & Page (Lake
Powell etc.) Maybe check out a few more houseboats etc.
I haven’t seen anyone yet. But will Sunday during church meetings.
I talked to Celeste on the phone & she said she hoped I was planning on being with the N. B. program next year. I forgot to ask
her about the workshop at Snowbird she talked to us about.
As soon as I can I want to talk to her & Gary Tom about my recruiting idea. I’ve given up wanting to talk to Dale Tingey & B.Y.U.
Indian Ed. Program about it since D. A. is involved with Indian Ed. program now.
[In the margin, Dad wrote] Before I forget it, I dropped by Elaines. She will be in Provo the weekend of the 13 to attend a
wedding. She & kids will bring sleeping bags to sleep on back lawn. On 20th she & Clairs family will have a get together in
Gunnison. Beth & part of her family will be in Tuba on Labor Day weekend.
Now to other more important things ---- . I hope all of you are enjoying the house & yard. And above all I hope you are learning
to work & cooperate with each other. Naturally I have a lot of love for the house in spite of the run down condition. When I don’t
have kids yelling in my ears, riding trikes through the house, and having dogs “tinkle” on the floor etc, and can get some
distance away, I recall many happy memories at the house. And during other saner moments I realize I have much to be thankful
for.
I’m sorry that everything is such a crisis for me. I want everything including myself to be perfect. And again during my saner
moments I know it can’t be --- & doesn’t even have to be --- yet. But somehow I have a hard time accepting that.
The other day David said something to the effect that we as parents weren’t demanding enough of the kids. I’ve thought a lot
about what he said and as I analyse it, I see that at times we took over & did too much --- not allowing the kids the opportunity
to grow by their own investigation & mistakes. And at times perhaps not involved enough. Maybe not giving enough guidance.
Last Sunday as I heard & watched the Esplins sing, I was struck with the notion of a family in perfect harmony. They were all so
beautiful & it all looked so perfect. But then again as I look at each one of our children & think of their beauty & strengths I
know we don’t have to be another Esplin family --- or any other family, for that matter. In spite of my failings as a parent & a
Saint, I am very proud of all of our children. You have the right to bless us or curse us for whatever you are. But don’t let that be
a cop-out to prevent you from being all you want to be.
The first 20+ years of my life, very few of my important needs were met. And as a consequence my capacity to give of myself is
limited. I don’t give this as an excuse – just an explanation.
Somewhere I heard or read that someone said “None of us loves as well as we should, but we love as well as we are able.” I can’t
totally buy that because it suggests that we can’t change. I hope we can.
I’m reminded of when we used to go around the table telling each person what we liked about them. Let me start.
Dawn --- mother – sweetheart.
On our very 1st date I knew you were someone special. Even then you were sweet, gentle, unpretentious & beautiful. And now
you are not older --- just better --- in every respect.
Lana --- I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you. It’s just my need for perfection. Little imperfections in you only magnify my own. You
are a person of great quality & the best is yet to come. I sincerely hope that things work out for you & Greg. He brings out the
best in you. And as he meets your needs it will free you to do all that is necessary for those beautiful & special sons. Lana, your
biggest fault (if it is a fault) is that you are too giving & trusting. And how can I really get angry at that?
Lynne (by phone or in person)
I appreciate how you are so totally dedicated to being a companion & help meet for your husband --- and a great mother to your
children. I appreciate the fact that you are branching out to make more friends.
Kim --- a real man’s man. You will never starve. Your spiritual strength & ability to work & produce will always pull you through.
I’m sure you will continue to be a good influence on young men.
Greg --- I hope I’m not being presumptuous in numbering you with the family --- at least for today. I don’t know you well yet ---
but what I see I like. I appreciate what you have brought into our lives. I appreciate your strength, honesty, gentleness, & sweet
spirit. God bless you in your search for the truth.
David --- Gentle, sensitive, aware. I appreciated so much your attitude & manner as we were loading your car rack for your trip.
Do you recall what you kept saying --- “That’s a good idea.” “Oh, that’s neat, that’s fine” etc. --- so teachable, so pleasant.
Don’t worry about school next year. Just keep growing & living & things will work out.
Susan --- Don’t be too disappointed in me. It makes me feel guilty. I love you for your faith & desire to do the right thing. I know
things will work out for you. I appreciated the fact that you were willing to pay whatever price to get your schooling & I know
you will get the important things you want & need in life.
Kathy --- You are more beautiful than before! I appreciate so much the great growth in attitude over the past year or so. Your
spunk is turning more & more into mature strength. Believe it when the world says, I love you.
Carol --- In spite of your great appatite (sp) you probably will not starve either. You will either marry money or make it yourself,
even if you have to work 18 hours a day. I appreciate the fact that you’ve not complained the past 3 years (in fact 4 --- or more).
You’ve been a great sport about everything & I know you’ve grown for it. Look out world, here she comes!
Jimmy – What can I say? Please forgive me for not allowing you to be imperfect. Again your very very few imperfections only
magnify mine. When I don’t take time to communicate better I only show my frustration. And when you sometimes don’t
understand --- have you forgotten that I spent 2 years in the 1st grade because sometimes I didn’t understand. Jim, I love you for
your faith & devotion and also your sweet gentle spirit. Believe it or not I was a lot like you in my younger days --- only I wasn’t
nearly as well self disciplined or ambitious as you are. You don’t have to change --- keep up the good work.
Diane. Thanks for your sweet smile in response to my dumb jokes. I guarantee that if you keep going as you are you will never
have an enemy in the world. Also thanks for all your help with the kids without complaining.
Kristy --- Stop reading that book & pay attention. Remember how difficult it was to work the Hula hoop the 1st day? --- Look at
you now. It just goes to show that impossible things are not really impossible. Fourth grade will be a breeze. Thanks for being so
sweet & kind. I know you will always be appreciated for your sweet sensitive caring for others.
Sandy --- Sweet, loveable, active Sandy --- I love you because you always care if other people are happy & have what they need.
Please don’t suffer too much when others who care less than you show their bad manners. Everyone will love you in the long run.
Steven --- Just ruffle up his hair for me and tell him I can hardly wait untill we can go riding over bridges, & past horses & cows
to Tuba City.
I love you all & miss you greatly. If you don’t come home soon, I will have to take your pictures off the wall. I get choked up
when I sit around in the empty house just looking at your pictures on the wall. Sincerely hope you will enjoy the rest of the
summer & the years to come.
(Love Daddy)